How to Destroy a Marriage

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

 

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.

 

“’Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” (Ephesians 5:22-33 ESV)

 

A month ago the Lord Jesus had me write on the subject of “A Godly Marriage” (1). And so I am not going to repeat everything that I said in that writing today. Rather, today he has prompted me to write on the subject of “How to Destroy a Marriage,” and this was prompted by something I just recently read where someone stated that it takes two people to destroy a marriage, and thus both partners share in the guilt, basically. But is that true? It can be true, but that doesn’t mean it is always true.

 

Take for example Hosea and Gomer. It was not Hosea that destroyed that marriage, but it was his wife Gomer, who was a woman of whoredom, and who, at that time, was representative of the children of Israel who had forsaken their God. Hosea was a prophet of God, and in this case he was instructed of God to take Gomer as his wife so that Hosea could feel what God feels when his people forsake him, and so that he could speak about that passionately. But Hosea was faithful to Gomer, but she was not faithful.

 

So, take for example our marriage to Christ, which the Christian marriage is to parallel somewhat, although no man will ever be God or as pure as God. It takes two to make a marriage between us and the Lord Jesus. Jesus is the husband of this relationship, and all who believe in him are his bride. So when we believe in Jesus we enter into a marriage covenant with him, and we promise to be faithful to him and to follow him as our Lord. And he promises to take care of us and to provide for our needs.

 

Now Jesus, our husband, will never be unfaithful, no matter what, but when we say that, we have to realize that all of God’s promises to us have conditions, and that this marriage is more like an engagement to Christ which will not be consummated until Jesus returns and he takes his bride to be with him for eternity. So while we wait for him, we are to remain faithful to him in walks of obedience and in purity of devotion to him, and we are no longer to walk in sin, being unfaithful to our commitment to him as Lord.

 

So, in our relationship with Jesus Christ, it takes two to make that marriage work. God will always do his part, but we have to do our part, too. For if we decide to return to our lives of sin, and to cheat on our Lord, and to be unfaithful to him, the marriage will fail. But it isn’t God’s fault that it failed. It is our fault. And his word teaches that if we make that profession of faith in Jesus, but we go on walking in sin (in adultery against our Lord) that we do not know God, we are not born of God, and we do not have life in him.

 

[Matt 7:21-23; Lu 9:23-26; John 1:12-13; John 6:44; John 10:27-30; Acts 26:18; Rom 2:6-8; Rom 6:1-23; Rom 8:1-14; Rom 12:1-2; 1 Co 6:9-10,19-20; 1 Co 10:1-22; 2 Co 5:10,15,21; Gal 5:16-24; Gal 6:7-8; Eph 2:8-10; Eph 4:17-32; Eph 5:3-6; Col 1:21-23; Col 3:1-17; Titus 2:11-14; 1 Jn 1:5-10; 1 Jn 2:3-6,24-25; 1 Jn 3:4-10; 1 Peter 1:15; 1 Pet 2:24; Heb 3:1-19; Heb 4:1-13; Heb 10:23-31; Heb 12:1-2; Rev 21:8,27; Rev 22:14-15]

 

So, back to the human marriage which is to be modeled after our marriage to Christ, although not an exact parallel, for in this case it is two humans married to each other. It is true here, as well, that it takes two people working together, each one doing their part, for the marriage to work, if understood in the full context of what the Scriptures teach on how each one of us is to live and with regard to what we must obey and not obey. But it is not true that it takes two people to destroy the marriage.

 

For there are many people who are married to people who are alcoholics or drug addicts or who are addicted to sexual perversion and to acting out in sexual sin and in adultery against their spouses what the lusts of the flesh are leading them to do. Or some are just men haters or women haters who willfully abuse and deliberately mistreat their spouses, and who deliberately try to trick them and to set them up for a fall or who use all sorts of manipulative and cruel tactics to mistreat their spouses.

 

Now, their spouses may or may not be guilty, as well, of mistreating their spouses and of contributing to the demise of the marriage. But we are never to assume that if a marriage fails that both parties are responsible for the demise of the marriage, especially in cases where one partner is a willful abuser and an adulterer and the other is faithful to the marriage and to living in moral purity. For if one is being abused and mistreated, with no one to come to the rescue, then to fault that person only adds on more abuse.

 

Now, in the writing, “A Godly Marriage,” I went through these Scripture verses and talked about how they should or could apply to our marriage relationships with regard to our individual roles, so I am not going to repeat that here. So, I would encourage you to read that, or just read this passage of Scripture, and then do what the Lord teaches us all that we must do with regard to our marriages. For not one of us is absolutely perfect in every way, and we should always be working to be better.

 

The main emphasis for this writing today is to stress the importance that we not abuse the abused by trying to make them feel guilty if their marriage fails, if truly they were doing their part, but their spouses were not willing to do their part. And just telling them to leave their spouses isn’t always the right solution, either, for some of them have nowhere to go, and at today’s prices, they have no means of supporting themselves, or the Lord may be encouraging them to remain, as he did with Hosea, for God’s purposes.

 

So, just be careful that you don’t misjudge people on the basis of your own experiences or on worldly thinking and reasoning. For there are godly people out there who are living the Christian life and who are working to save their marriages, but their spouses are not working to save the marriage, but they are working to destroy the marriage through their continued choices to cheat on, do evil against, abuse, mistreat, lie to, and/or commit adultery against their spouses. But we should all examine our own hearts in these matters.

 

Oh, to Be Like Thee, Blessed Redeemer

 

Lyrics by Thomas O. Chisholm, 1897

Music by W. J. Kirkpatrick, 1897

 

Oh, to be like Thee! blessèd Redeemer,

This is my constant longing and prayer;

Gladly I’ll forfeit all of earth’s treasures,

Jesus, Thy perfect likeness to wear.

 

Oh, to be like Thee! full of compassion,

Loving, forgiving, tender and kind,

Helping the helpless, cheering the fainting,

Seeking the wandering sinner to find.

 

O to be like Thee! lowly in spirit,

Holy and harmless, patient and brave;

Meekly enduring cruel reproaches,

Willing to suffer others to save.

 

O to be like Thee! while I am pleading,

Pour out Thy Spirit, fill with Thy love;

Make me a temple meet for Thy dwelling,

Fit me for life and Heaven above.

 

Oh, to be like Thee! Oh, to be like Thee,

Blessèd Redeemer, pure as Thou art;

Come in Thy sweetness, come in Thy fullness;

Stamp Thine own image deep on my heart.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KrYhiK2nQBg

 

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(1)       https://runwithit.blog/2024/05/16/a-godly-marriage/