Joking and Teasing

Thursday, December 09, 2010, 6:11 a.m. – I woke up about 30 minutes ago with a throbbing headache. I think I stayed up too late last night. As I lay in bed praying that the Lord would heal me of this headache, I was thinking about this subject of joking and teasing. Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening. I read Luke 5, the rest of the chapter, and the first section of Luke 6. This verse stood out to me:

Luke 6:9:

Then Jesus said to them, “I ask you, which is lawful on the Sabbath: to do good or to do evil, to save life or to destroy it?”

This was one of those times when Jesus healed someone and the Pharisees and the teachers of the law were looking for a reason to accuse Jesus so they were watching him closely. He knew what they were thinking, so he healed a man in front of them and that made them furious. My intention here is not to get into a discussion concerning the Sabbath, but rather to look at Jesus’ question about doing good or evil, to save a life or to destroy it. I think sometimes we get so caught up in joking and teasing as a way of having fun with friends and family that we don’t give thought to how we might be doing evil to someone by our words and/or how we might be destroying lives instead of saving them.

James 3:6 says:

The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.

Ephesians 5:4:

Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving.

Coarse: tasteless; rude; abrasive; harsh; crude; sharp; and/or severe (MS Thesaurus).

As I was contemplating this subject of joking and teasing that goes on in our society, and that is done all in the name of fun, I thought how so much of this can be so harmful and hurtful to others if it involves cutting people down, making fun of people, mocking them, criticizing them in a joking way, and belittling them, et al. I believe that many TV shows, movies, comedians, et al perpetuate making fun of people as a way to find humor and to laugh. Joking and teasing can allow people to say what they really mean by masking it with “Jk,” or else their tone of voice tells us they are saying it in humor. Some people use joking and teasing as a way of giving hidden messages to people because they don’t want to come right out and tell the other person how they really feel, or they may have great difficulty expressing their true feelings and thus mask them with joking. Some joke and tease because they think it is fun and it is a fun way of connecting with other people and of breaking the ice, while others do it because it is the norm and everyone else is doing it so they do it to fit in. Others might do so out of habit, and still others do it for various other reasons. The questions, though, to be asked are: “Are joking and teasing good things for us, as Christians, to do?” And, “Do they have the potential of evil and harm?”

I believe that joking and teasing that involves cutting people down, ridiculing them, making fun of them, mocking them, criticizing, belittling, et al, can be very harmful and hurtful to the listeners and extremely damaging to people’s spirits, emotions, minds, etc. We can so easily wound the hearts of others and kill their spirits by our joking and teasing if it is directed in this way. So, I want to look at what God’s word has to say on this subject.

Ephesians 4:29:

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Matthew 5:36-37:

And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.

Luke 18:31-33:

Jesus took the Twelve aside and told them, “We are going up to Jerusalem, and everything that is written by the prophets about the Son of Man will be fulfilled. He will be handed over to the Gentiles. They will mock him, insult him, spit on him, flog him and kill him. On the third day he will rise again.”

Mock: to imitate somebody in a way that is intended to make that person appear silly or ridiculous (Encarta).

Insult: to say or do something that suggests a low opinion of somebody or something (Encarta).

This brought to mind this phrase: Forked Tongue: A forked tongue is a tongue split into two distinct tines at the tip; The characteristic of deceptiveness; duplicity; untruthfulness – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Forked_tongue; http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/forked_tongue.

Often times we will tell someone, “I didn’t really mean it; I was just kidding,” when what we are really saying is, “Oops, I didn’t mean to let that slip out,” and so we cover it with “Jk”.

When we joke and tease in a manner that is cutting down, belittling, mocking, et al, other people, I believe it is wrong and it has great potential of evil, of harm and of great injury to the object of our joking or teasing. I believe it falls into this category of a “forked tongue” because we are saying supposedly what we don’t really mean, though many times we really do mean it, we just didn’t mean to let it slip out. God has called us, as his disciples, to do good, not evil; to save lives, not destroy them, and yet by our joking and teasing we can do so much evil and we have the potential of destroying so many lives, as well if it is being done in a mocking or insulting way. That is why James has such strong words concerning the tongue, because it can set a whole world on fire for good or for evil.

We are to speak to others words that are helpful for building them up, not for tearing them down. I am not speaking here of avoiding loving confrontation when necessary, for Jesus certainly said what was necessary to be said, yet he did so out of a heart of love and compassion; out of mercy and grace; and for the very purpose of building people up in the faith by encouraging them away from sinful lifestyles and calling them to repentance and faith in God. And, I am also not speaking of just giving people a pat on the back and a pass for living in sin just because we don’t want to hurt their feelings. As well, I am not encouraging false encouragements via the use of flattery. No, the kind of talk that is helpful for building up others and that is beneficial to them is lovingly honest and sincere, it considers the other person’s true needs, and it reaches outside ourselves to help meet those needs, considering the other person and his/her needs as more important than our own.

Yet, tearing down someone involves mockery, ridicule, insults, etc., which are often a big part of joking and teasing, and these are not beneficial to those who listen. So, again, what is better: to do good or to do evil; to save a life or to destroy it? Our tongues can do so much harm for evil and have such power to destroy and to kill. Lord, I pray you will help me to guard my tongue and to avoid teasing and joking that is destructive to others. Amen!

As soon as I finished writing this and went to email it to some friends, I had this e-mail in my inbox:

“The lips of the godly speak helpful words.” Pr 10:32 NLT

Be Careful What You Say (3)

A World War II poster reads, “Loose lips sink ships.” So when you hear something negative about someone, ask yourself:

(1) Is it true? “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor” (Ex 20:16 NKJV). That’s one of the Ten Commandments, not the ten suggestions! Until you’re certain it’s true, say nothing. Wait; time always reveals the truth.

(2) Is it confidential? Did you hear it as a result of someone else having broken a confidence? If you speak it, will you be contributing to the violation of a confidence? Remember: “Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered” (Pr 11:13 ESV). Your usefulness to God requires that you not sacrifice your integrity by betraying trust.

(3) Is it helpful? Will it tear others down or build them up? Satan is devoted to pulling down, discouraging and defeating - don’t be his accomplice. “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Eph 4:29 NIV). Will it be beneficial and encouraging to those who hear it?

(4) Is it necessary? Stop and ask yourself, “What do others and the cause of Christ gain by my saying it, or lose by my not saying it?” Always keep this in mind: you’re more likely to regret the things you said than the things you didn’t. “A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards” (Pr 29:11). Be wise; be careful what you say.

Wow! I guess that the Lord wants us to hear this message this morning about our tongues and the words that we speak, not only in a joking and teasing manner, but in all manners of speech.

Dear Lord Jesus, help us, as your children, and as your servants, to speak words that are helpful for building others up and not for tearing them down. In Jesus’ name I pray, amen!