The Two Becoming One

Mark 10:2-9 ESV

And Pharisees came up and in order to test him asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” He answered them, “What did Moses command you?” They said, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away.” And Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

Marriages which end in divorce are usually already in a state of separation leading up to the divorce, and I don’t mean the state of being physically living in two different locations, necessarily. For why do marriages end in divorce? For many reasons, really, but I believe they all boil down to one central theme and that is that the man and/or the woman are not committed to making the marriage work. They didn’t ever become one flesh or they didn’t remain one flesh, for one or both were/are unfaithful to the other.

But there is no perfect marriage. For a marriage is a joining together of two separate people with different personalities and varied backgrounds and experiences who must work together to unite as one. And God gives that primary responsibility to the man to leave his mother and father and to now hold fast to (cleave to, be glued to) his wife. Next to God, she should be the primary person in his life to whom he is committed for life, and for whom he is to love as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

He is not to be king while he treats her as a slave, and vice versa, in reality. But they are to come together as one. And again, God made it the primary responsibility of the man to make that happen, but it doesn’t happen if the man dominates over and/or bullies his wife into submission. For the man is to love his wife as Christ loves the church and gave himself up for her. But it doesn’t mean that man is to be ruled by his wife, either, but that he should see her as a help-meet and both should work together at becoming one.

And so there has to be some give and take on both ends, but with the wife submitting to her husband when they can’t come to an agreement, unless submitting to her husband involves submitting to sin, or to doing something that might lead her into sin, or to doing something dangerous and unwise. And a big part of this is understanding what is really important and what doesn’t really matter. We should not sweat the small stuff but save our difficult conversations for what really matters to God and for eternity.

But now back to the subject of divorce and separation, before a literal divorce ever becomes a reality in a marriage there is already a separation taking place between the two people, which can be the fault of both or of one only. And, again, this is not about a marriage having to be perfect, or either person having to be perfect, or both having to agree on everything. But this is about love, faithfulness, commitment, honesty, and moral purity. When one or both wander off from that oneness, the oneness is broken.

So, when this says that the two shall become one flesh, that is dependent on the man leaving his parents and their home and him now clinging to (being glued to, holding fast to, being faithful to) his wife. And this means that he is to forsake all other lovers and cling only to her, and she is to do the same. For neither of them can be one flesh with the other if either one is still one flesh with someone else. And this doesn’t have to engage sexual adultery, but it can include either one being glued to (clinging to) someone else.

So, God is not just against physical divorce in the sense of the two living separately from each other, but he is against any kind of adultery, which can be physical and/or emotional and/or only in the mind. For Jesus said that to lust after another is to commit adultery. So if a husband and/or a wife are dreaming of being with someone else, or are having a romantic affair, or are giving their hearts, minds, and passion to others, which are only intended for their spouse, then that couple is already separated and not living as one.

Then, when you add to that the times in which we now live, and the ease of access to a world of evil via pocket computers (smartphones), and the ease of access of private communications between people attracted to one another in some way, and the ease of access to sexually explicit material with the touch of a finger, or the swipe of a screen, in the privacy of a corner in the room where no one can see what you are doing on the smartphone… and the diluted gospel granting people permission to sin, then bombshell!

So, if we are going to hold on to the sanctity of marriage in this day and age, it is going to involve both man and wife fully committed to the sanctity of the marriage, working together to become one in heart, mind, purpose, and in commitment to making the marriage work, and to forsaking all others and to clinging (holding fast to) their marriage partner. For far too much today is going against a biblical marriage union. And so this is going to require a very serious commitment to God and to spouse for this to work.

Again, it takes both man and wife committed and working together with the other spouse to make the marriage work. Yet again, God has given the primary responsibility for this to the man, which involves him loving his wife as Christ loves the church and gave himself up for her. So, husbands, cling to your wives and not to everyone and everything else but your wives. Do what the Scriptures teach you must do in how you are to treat your wives, for they do not teach that you can be domineering or do nothing at all.

Bible verses on marriage, adultery, divorce, and moral purity:

[Genesis 2:24; Hebrews 13:4; 1 Peter 3:1-7; 2 Peter 2:13-19; 1 Corinthians 5:1-2; 1 Corinthians 6:9-20; Ephesians 5:1-33; Colossians 3:18-19; 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8; Titus 2:3-5; Matthew 5:28; Matthew 15:19-20; Matthew 19:9; Mark 7:20-22; Romans 13:9; Galatians 5:13-21]

When in The Stillness  

An Original Work / September 26, 2011

When in the stillness of this moment,

Speak to me, Lord, I humbly pray.

Be my desire, set me on fire,

Teach me to love always.

Help me to walk in fellowship with You,

Listening to You; sit at Your feet.

Whisper Your words to me, 

Oh, how gently, guiding me in Your truth. 

While we are waiting for Your blessing,

Lord, in our hearts be King today.

Help us to live for you ev’ry moment,

List’ning to what You say.

May we not stray from your word within us,

Help us obey You, Lord, in all things,

Walking each moment, Lord, in Your presence,

Our offerings to You bring.

Help us to love You, Lord, our master;

Be an example of Your love,

Helping the hurting, lift up the fallen,

Showing them Your great love.

Teach them to love You, follow You always,

Bearing their cross and turning from sin;

Walking in daily fellowship with You,

Making You Lord and King.

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