“Come now, let us reason together,”
says the LORD.
“Though your sins are like scarlet,
they shall be as white as snow;
though they are red as crimson,
they shall be like wool.” (Is. 1:18 NIV)
Wednesday, January 19, 2011, 1:11 p.m. – After reading a dear friend’s personal testimony this afternoon, I felt prompted of the Holy Spirit to write my own testimony. So, I pulled out of the archives a testimony the Lord had given me to write, The Scarlet Letter, on October 27, 2007 at 6:27 a.m. (lots of 2’s and 7’s). I was considering editing this old testimony but using the same song and scripture, yet I sensed the Lord leading me toward another song and scripture (where I am currently reading in John’s gospel) and ultimately to a more current testimony he would have me share today.
The following passage of scripture from John 20 is concerning Jesus’ resurrection from the dead and Mary Magdalene’s appearance at the empty tomb and then her subsequent encounter with the angels of God and then with Jesus himself. The name “Mary Magdalene” means: “Mary Magdalene = Mary = Bitterness; rebellious; obstinate; (root = trouble; sorrow; disobedience; rebellion). Greek form of Miriam = Their rebellion. Magdalene = Tower, castle” [The Exhaustive Dictionary of Bible Names].
The scriptures have little to say about Mary Magdalene prior to Jesus’ crucifixion and resurrection, in which she appeared on the scene predominantly. Luke 8:1-3 says this about her: “After this, Jesus traveled about from one town and village to another, proclaiming the good news of the kingdom of God. The Twelve were with him, and also some women who had been cured of evil spirits and diseases: Mary (called Magdalene) from whom seven demons had come out…” So, this is the sum of Mary Magdalene’s life that we know of from scripture prior to Jesus’ death. We know that Jesus had cured her and had cast seven demons out of her, that she became one of his disciples (not one of the 12), that she traveled with him and assisted him and his 12 disciples in ministry, that she was at the cross when they crucified him, and that she was at the tomb after he was risen.
Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening. I read John 20:10-18:
Jesus Appears to Mary Magdalene
10 Then the disciples went back to their homes, 11 but Mary stood outside the tomb crying. As she wept, she bent over to look into the tomb 12 and saw two angels in white, seated where Jesus’ body had been, one at the head and the other at the foot.
13 They asked her, “Woman, why are you crying?”
“They have taken my Lord away,” she said, “and I don’t know where they have put him.” 14 At this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not realize that it was Jesus.
15 “Woman,” he said, “why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?”
Thinking he was the gardener, she said, “Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him.”
16 Jesus said to her, “Mary.”
She turned toward him and cried out in Aramaic, “Rabboni!” (which means Teacher).
17 Jesus said, “Do not hold on to me, for I have not yet returned to the Father. Go instead to my brothers and tell them, ‘I am returning to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.’”
18 Mary Magdalene went to the disciples with the news: “I have seen the Lord!” And she told them that he had said these things to her.
My Understanding: I admit that I cried through this passage of scripture as I identified with Mary Magdalene in so many ways. As I read this encounter she had with the angels and then with Jesus, the Lord brought to mind how this paralleled my experience with him.
Mary stood outside the tomb crying
I was born in 1949, so I am 61 years old. I trusted Jesus Christ as my Savior at summer camp when I was probably seven years old. The preacher made a call to the altar to receive Jesus Christ, but I knelt before the Lord in prayer in my own seat (a wooden bench), crying out to my Lord, confessing my sin to him, and asking Jesus to come into my heart to save me from my sin. Even at seven years old I knew the weight of sin because my father was an abuser and he forced me into sin with him at a very early age. And, I wanted to be free!
As a teenager, I hungered for more of God in my life. I desired to obey him and to serve him and to believe everything he told me. The abuse of my father stood as a stark contrast to my heart’s desire to walk with the Lord in complete obedience to him. My father was legalistic (like the Pharisees) and he forced upon us a strict set of religious rules, and yet he was a contradiction of what he espoused by his behavior toward his wife and children. I so wanted to be free of that, too. I wanted to live a Christian life of freedom in Christ Jesus.
The relationship with my earthly father (and mother) just led me right into the arms of Jesus. God became my father and my mother and my best friend. I talked with him all the time. I began teaching the Bible and serving my Lord in ministry and trying to obey him in all things. I wanted to be sold out to Jesus Christ and to have no part of what my earthly father had forced upon me. Yet, as a young woman dating, I eventually fell into sin and I followed some of the same patterns of the flesh that were taught me as a child.
In my early years of marriage, I stayed faithful to my Lord Jesus Christ and to my husband. I served the Lord faithfully in ministry. I spent time at his feet each day, learning from him, and following him in obedience, though not perfectly. I had a child-like faith that believed Jesus for miracles, for provisions, and for his word to come alive in my life in all practicality. I would follow my Lord to the heights of the mountains or to the valleys below. I just wanted to be with him wherever he was.
Yet, I faced much rejection for my child-like faith, and mainly from religious leaders. I felt like I was a basketball and that I kept getting slam-dunked. I faced abuse after abuse from those in religious authority over me, yet I kept on in my faith and obedience until… One day I was so lonely, and so hurting, and so feeling in despair, and feeling so unloved and uncared for by mankind that I yielded to the flesh and I broke both my covenant with God and with my husband. Oh, how that broke my heart that I had done that.
The angels and Jesus both asked her, “Woman, why are you crying?”
Fast forwarding then to 2002, I was going through a time of revival in my church here in Rock Hill, SC. And, I was working through some of the things of my past with my Lord. I wanted to be clean before Him for good, never to return to a life given over to the flesh. I prayed, asking the Lord to show me anything in my life that was a hindrance to me walking in complete faith and obedience to him. He showed me a demonic spirit of Lasciviousness that was afflicting me, so I prayed in Jesus’ name for the spirit to be gone, and I felt it leave. The Lord also miraculously healed me of a physical ailment. Amen! This was the second time I had been delivered of an affliction of Satan. The first time was in 1982 when the Lord delivered me from a spirit of fear. I felt that one leave, too. I also asked the Lord to reveal to me any names of anyone I had not forgiven. He gave me the name “Jesus.”
Since my earthly father was an abuser and Jesus had become my best friend, I decided that Jesus was loving and kind and there to teach me, lead me, comfort and encourage, convict, etc., yet unknowingly to me, I had subconsciously decided in my mind that he was somehow limited in his power. I must have come to that conclusion because if he was all powerful and truly loving, then why did he allow me to be abused? Though consciously I would never believe he was anything but all powerful, yet in all practicality in my life my actions spoke differently. I was crying because I felt, like Mary, that men had the power to steal my Lord from me. I thought their actions toward me had power over me, just like Mary thought these men could remove Jesus’ body from the tomb. I felt hopeless like she felt and powerless to do anything about it. My response was ultimately to sin against my Lord and to give into man. In doing so, I was saying to my Lord that I did not trust him. I had bitterness in my heart because he failed to protect me from my abusers.
Jesus said to her, “Mary.” She turned toward him and said, “Teacher.”
So, although Jesus had done me no wrong in reality, I had to forgive him and in forgiving him, I had to accept his absolute sovereignty over my life, i.e. that he was in control and that he knows what he is doing and that my response from this point on should be to yield to his will and his plan for my life, never going back to that old way of responding again. I had closed that door on my past, never to open it again. I chose to go forward from this point on and to obey my Lord and to follow him wherever he leads me.
Mary Magdalene went to the disciples with the news: “I have seen the Lord!”
Fast forwarding again to 2004, I had been walking with the Lord faithfully now for 2 years, though not in absolute perfection. Jesus, like he had instructed Mary, told me to go to my brothers and sisters in Christ, and then he told me what to tell them. And, then I went and told them the things he had said to me, and that is what I have been doing ever since then. Each day the Lord speaks to me through his word, through songs, and often also through dreams and visions (as allegories and as practical application of Biblical truth), and most of those days I write what he teaches me and I share it with the Body of Christ. This is my calling, just like Mary was called of Jesus after she had been delivered of evil spirits and had been cured, and she followed Jesus and assisted him in ministry, and she called out to Jesus in her pain and suffering and in her confusion of mind and heart and he healed her, and then he sent her to tell his disciples what he had told her to tell them. Awesome!
Jesus Christ is truly my Lord, my Savior, my spiritual father, mother, husband, and my best friend. I love him with all my heart and I desire nothing more than to obey him in all truth and to follow him in whatever he leads me to do and to say and to be until the day he takes me home to be with him forever and ever. I am his servant. And, he is my only Lord!
The One, The Only Jesus / NewSong
He’s the One that I turn to
When things don’t turn out right
The only One I depend on
To help me make it through the night
He’s my warm winter blanket
When I’m cold and alone
He’s my rock, He’s my refuge
He is my song
He’s the One, the only Jesus
The only One worthy of our praise
He is the Holy One
He is God’s only Son
The One, the only Jesus
He’s the resurrected king
In the castle of my heart
The only friend that I have
That will never depart
He’s creation’s creator
He has crafted each part
The only Son of the only One
He knows me by heart
He’s everything I hope that He would be
He’s the One, the only Jesus…
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