Faithful to the End

Psalms 42:1-3 ESV

 

“As a deer pants for flowing streams,

    so pants my soul for you, O God.

My soul thirsts for God,

    for the living God.

When shall I come and appear before God?

My tears have been my food

    day and night,

while they say to me all the day long,

    “Where is your God?”

 

I can remember as a youth how I hungered for the Lord and for the Word of God. I wanted to be with the saints of God in the gatherings of the church every time they met. Although my family always sat in the back of the church building, I got permission to sit in the front row so I could take in the word of God undistracted by everything else going on.

 

Our pastor, at that time, did not preach shorter than 45 minutes, but it was 45 minutes of the Holy Spirit speaking to my heart, so I never wanted it to end, and I could not wait until Sunday night and Wednesday night to go back for more of the same.

 

He was my pastor when I was between the ages of 18 and 27, and then he moved to Canada to pastor a church there for the next 30 or so years before he moved back to the states when he retired. But at age 27 is when the Holy Spirit really lit a fire in me for hearing from Him directly through his word.

 

I had been teaching the Scriptures since age 16, but now I had even more of a hunger to share with others what the Lord was teaching me from his word, so I began to teach ladies’ Bible studies or I shared what the Lord was teaching me from his word in group discussions in other Bible study groups.

 

I had a deep desire within me to give out to others what the Lord was giving to me in the way of spiritual nourishment, but not everyone was receptive to what the Lord was giving me to share (in the proper order of things), and so I began to face opposition, rejection, false accusations and persecution.

 

I struggled with such persecution because I had already come from an abusive home life and I had already known much rejection of myself from others for various reasons, but the Lord kept encouraging me to keep going and to not give up, for he had a plan for my life.

 

Psalms 42:4-5 ESV

 

“These things I remember,

    as I pour out my soul:

how I would go with the throng

    and lead them in procession to the house of God

with glad shouts and songs of praise,

    a multitude keeping festival.

 

“Why are you cast down, O my soul,

    and why are you in turmoil within me?

Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,

    my salvation and my God.”

 

Yes! I taught the Scriptures to children, youth, and women. I shared my testimony regarding what the Lord was teaching me during times of sharing in the church gatherings. I sang in the choir, sang solos, and always had a word of testimony whenever I sang before the congregation.

 

I taught my children the Scriptures and how to pray, and we sang Christian songs and the hymns together, too. And most all of them ended up in Christian ministry, for which I give God all the glory, and not me. And my husband and I led a ministry to college students from our home for 7.5 years, too.

 

I walked with the Lord in obedience to him, and I followed his leading in going where he sent me and in saying what he wanted me to say. But there was an aspect of worldliness to my life, too, as that was the example that was set before me. Thus, we watched TV and movies, too.

 

At some point, in all of this, after years of facing much opposition, persecution, and abuse (1), I failed. I gave up, and I gave in to sin. And I began following my flesh instead of following the Lord. And that is because I gave in to fear instead of trusting the Lord with my circumstances.

 

So, I also went through a time of depression where I was running from God and trying to escape the pain of my life, yet only to cause myself even more pain. I knew better, and I did not lose my conscience about sin, but I kept going back to it as way to escape my other suffering.

 

Yet, the Lord didn’t give up on me. He kept pursuing me, and he kept reminding me of his goodness and of his love for me, and of my need to trust him fully with my life and to not give way to fear.

 

Psalms 42:6-10 ESV

 

“My soul is cast down within me;

    therefore I remember you

from the land of Jordan and of Hermon,

    from Mount Mizar.

Deep calls to deep

    at the roar of your waterfalls;

all your breakers and your waves

    have gone over me.

By day the Lord commands his steadfast love,

    and at night his song is with me,

    a prayer to the God of my life.

I say to God, my rock:

    ‘Why have you forgotten me?

Why do I go mourning

    because of the oppression of the enemy?’

As with a deadly wound in my bones,

    my adversaries taunt me,

while they say to me all the day long,

    ‘Where is your God?’”

 

But then I called out to God in my suffering in repentance, in submission, and in full acceptance of his sovereignty over my life, which is key to not living in fear. I slammed that door shut to the life I had been living, and I surrendered my life to Jesus Christ even more committed to him than ever before. And I have not gone back. Praise Jesus!

 

Two years later the Lord then called me to this present ministry (in 2004) to write down what he teaches me from his word and to place it on the internet so that a herald (the internet) can “Run With It” – the name of this ministry.

 

And, I have been faithfully committed to this ministry since that time, to the glory and praise of God, and only in his power and strength and wisdom. To God be all the glory! And by the grace of God I have been walking in faithfulness to him in holiness and in purity of devotion to him.

 

But this doesn’t mean that the opposition, the abuse, or the rejection and persecution has lessened or has become more tolerable. It is just as bad or worse than before, in some respects, but the Lord sustains me through it all. He gives me all I need to keep going, to keep loving, and to keep forgiving.

 

And one day he is going to come and take me home to be with him, and what a glorious day that will be when my Jesus I will see face to face.

 

When I Go Home

 

By G. M. Eldridge

 

“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes…” Revelation 21:4

 

In the moment He appears

And the light from heaven shines,

I’ll forget ev’ry fear,

Ev’ry pain I’ll leave behind.

Then I’ll see Him as He is

And I’ll know Him as I’m known.

Ev’ry tear wiped away when I go home.

 

Ever present is the tho’t

That a moment waits for me

When unworthy as I am,

His glory I will see.

I will empty all my praise

Before my Father’s throne.

Ev’ry tear wiped away when I go home.

 

If the trial I endure,

And your presence I can’t find,

Be near me, Lord, I pray,

Bring back unto my mind

That your promises are firm

And I’m never on my own.

Ev’ry tear wiped away when I go home.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z98Zvr1CyXg

*Caution: This link may contain ads

 

(1)       https://walkingwounded.blog/i-married-my-dad/

*This is a much more detailed account of my testimony