What I am about to share with
you, I share with permission from my husband of 45 years. He has now made
public his sexual addiction, and he states that he now wants complete deliverance.
To be perfectly honest, though, I have heard those same words come out of his
mouth many times, but they were never followed up with action. Yet, he is now
willing to talk about it publicly, and to have me talk about. So, this is a
step of faith.
If you know anything about
addiction, of any kind, you will know it is essential to recovery and to
deliverance that the addict is honest, that he (or she) confesses the wrong,
and that he (or she) seeks help. The more we hide it, the worse it gets. We
need to talk about these things instead of pretending the elephant isn’t in the
room. For, this is more prevalent than what we would like to imagine, and many
lives are being impacted by this.
This is not about some
sickness, though, as some people would have you to believe, unless you want to
consider sin a sickness. The Bible makes no allowances for addiction (slavery,
bondage) to sin. I just want to make that perfectly clear. Jesus Christ died on
a cross that we might die to sin and live to righteousness, not that we might
practice sin while claiming heaven as our eternal destiny (Gal. 5:19-21). Jesus
said that if a man even looks at a woman with lust that he has committed
adultery in his heart (Matt. 5:28).
And, my husband has known
these truths, at least for the whole of our marriage, even though many times he
pretends he is ignorant of them. As well, he professes to have believed in
Jesus Christ since childhood. He even went to Bible college. He has, as well,
been a Bible teacher, a deacon, a youth leader, and even a pastor, over the
course of our marriage, and even before that. Yet, he has lived in sexual
addiction probably 50 years or more. So, it isn’t that he didn’t know that what
he was doing was wrong, or that he didn’t know the way out of it, because he
did, but it is that he didn’t take the way out provided for him. He has
admitted to this, too.
So, if you are a man, and if you
have a close walk with the Lord, and you feel led of God to reach out to my
husband, this is his blog: https://rdlove12.wordpress.com/.
If not, I would still covet your prayers.
But, now, I want to talk
about being the wife of an addict.
For we do not want you to be unaware, brethren, of our
affliction which came to us in Asia, that we were burdened excessively, beyond
our strength, so that we despaired even of life; indeed, we had the sentence of
death within ourselves so that we would not trust in ourselves, but in God who
raises the dead; who delivered us from so great a peril of death, and will
deliver us, He on whom we have set our hope. And He will yet deliver us, you
also joining in helping us through your prayers, so that thanks may be given by
many persons on our behalf for the favor bestowed on us through the prayers of
many. 2 Co. 1:8-11 NASB
My goal here is not to trash
my husband. I have no desire to do that. I love him very much, which is why I
am still with him. My goal is to see my husband set free from his sinful
addiction, and for him to know true freedom in Christ Jesus, our Lord. Yet, my
goal here is also to reach out to other women, like myself, who have husbands
who are sexual addicts, and who have suffered in similar ways as I have,
because of their husband’s sinful practices. I want them to know that they are
not alone in this!
You see, it isn’t just the
cheating, but it is the lying that hurts so much. And, it isn’t just the cheating
and the lying, but it is the cheap shots, the cutting remarks, the false
accusations, the deceptions, the manipulations, the childish temper tantrums, and
the continual stomping on my heart whenever I try to help him out of his
addiction, that really hurts. I can’t trust anything he says, either. And, that
hurts, too. And, I know his body language, too, all too well, so I can pretty
much tell whenever he is lying to me.
I cry a lot! Even, if it is
just inside me. And, I pray a lot! And, I trust God to work his will in both of
our lives. And, I thank the Lord, too, for all the encouragement, comfort,
help, and counsel he has given to me over these years, which is what has seen
me through these difficult times. I could not have ever made it without my
Lord! I know that all too well! And, I also acknowledge that these difficulties
have been instrumental in drawing me closer to my Lord and in giving me the
passion I have for this ministry, and the compassion I have for those who are
still trapped in sin.
But, compassion is not
coddling the unrepentant. Compassion is what leads us to lead others out of
slavery to sin. It is pure selfishness when we see someone trapped in sin and
we do nothing, not even pray for them, but just walk away, because we don’t
want to get our hands dirty, because their sins are just too messy for us. Yet,
I know that if we warn someone and they don’t repent, it is not our fault, and
the responsibility for their deliverance is on their shoulders, not ours.
For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from
whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name, that He would grant
you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power
through His Spirit in the inner man, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts
through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to
comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and
depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may
be filled up to all the fullness of God.
Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly
beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to
Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever
and ever. Amen. Eph. 3:14-21 NASB
Amen! God has had to
strengthen me so many, many times when I was hurting deeply, and even, at
times, when I wanted to just give up. And, he has also shown his love to me in
so many ways, that I would not even have ever imagined. He keeps encouraging me
to hold on, and to not give up hope that my husband will be delivered, and that
he will walk in freedom one day. I fear sometimes, though, that I will never
see that day, and that I will die with our marriage still broken and my husband
still in chains. And, that breaks my heart!
And, then God reminds me that
HE is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that I ask or imagine (think),
according to His power that works within me and you. I am only free, too, by
the grace of God! And, I am only able to be strong and to keep doing what I do
each day because of his love, his grace, his encouragement, his strength and
his power at work within me.
For this reason also, since the day we heard of it, we
have not ceased to pray for you and to ask that you may be filled with the
knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so that you
will walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects,
bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; strengthened
with all power, according to His glorious might, for the attaining of all
steadfastness and patience; joyously giving thanks to the Father, who has
qualified us to share in the inheritance of the saints in Light.
For He rescued us from the domain of darkness, and
transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son, in whom we have redemption,
the forgiveness of sins. Col. 1:9-14 NASB
This is my prayer for my
husband, for myself, and for the church, the body of Christ, that we might all
walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects, and that,
if any of us have not yet been delivered from bondage (addiction) to sin, that
we would be rescued from the domain of darkness and transferred into the
kingdom of Christ, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. Amen!
My Cry For Mercy
An Original Work / October
31, 2013
Based off Psalm 86
Hear my prayer, Lord, I am
needy.
Guard my life, for I’m
devoted to You.
Save me! I’m Your servant.
You are my God. I trust in
You.
O, Lord, have mercy on me,
For I call to You.
Bring joy to me, for to You
I will lift up my soul.
You are giving and forgiving.
You abound in love to all who
Call upon You. Hear my
prayer, Lord.
Listen to my cry for mercy.
In days of trouble I call to
You,
Knowing that You will
Do marvelous things,
Because You are my God.
Teach me Your way; I’ll walk
in it.
In Your truth, Lord, You will
guide me.
A pure heart, Lord, You will
give me,
So that I may glorify You.
Turn to me, Lord, and grant
Strength to Your servant.
O, Lord, You are my help,
For You love and You comfort
me.
Teach me Your way; I’ll walk
in it.
In Your truth, Lord, You will
guide me.
A pure heart, Lord, You will
give me,
So that I may glorify You.
Monday, December 11, 2017,
11:00 a.m. – Thank you, Jesus, for what you led me to share this evening from
your word and from my life. May you get all the glory, and may many lives be
delivered from slavery to sin. Amen!
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