Run With It: In My Mother's Womb

Psalms 139:1-6 ESV

“O Lord, you have searched me and known me!

You know when I sit down and when I rise up;

    you discern my thoughts from afar.

You search out my path and my lying down

    and are acquainted with all my ways.

Even before a word is on my tongue,

    behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.

You hem me in, behind and before,

    and lay your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;

    it is high; I cannot attain it.”

For those who are not living for the Lord, who are living in secret sin, this may not be a very comforting thought. But for those of us who are walking by faith in Jesus Christ, and who have no secret sins, this is comforting. It is comforting to know that our Lord knows all about us.

I find it comforting to know that my Lord is with me and in me all the time. And he knows me inside and out. He knows me better than I know myself. And when I doubt myself, I can turn to him to help me to understand what is going on inside of me so that I know if I need to change something.

For, he discerns our thoughts from afar. He knows what we are going to think, what we are going to do, and what we are going to say before we do. And that is good, because we can pray and ask him to prompt us if we are about to do or to say the wrong thing.

And he can also reveal to us what is in our hearts, and our motives behind what we do and say, which we might not always see ourselves. For, it is out of our hearts that our mouths speak, so if we aren’t saying the right things, he can help us see what is in our hearts that needs to go.

Psalms 139:13-16 ESV

“For you formed my inward parts;

    you knitted me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Wonderful are your works;

    my soul knows it very well.

My frame was not hidden from you,

when I was being made in secret,

    intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed substance;

in your book were written, every one of them,

    the days that were formed for me,

    when as yet there was none of them.”

When I was growing up as a child, many years ago, I was abused by my father and emotionally neglected by my mother who took good care of us physically, i.e., she made certain we had food to eat and clothes to wear, etc. But I was not told I was loved and I was not hugged in a pure way.

I believed in Jesus early on in my life, but the abuses and neglects in my childhood distorted my thinking on who Jesus was. I knew he loved me, and that was awesome, and I knew he was there to comfort me with his love when I was abused and neglected, and that was wonderful.

But I didn’t understand his sovereignty over my life. I thought I did, but in reality I didn’t, for I had this unconscious belief that Jesus was limited in power and that he could do nothing to rescue me from the abuses and neglect of my childhood. So, I thought humans and Satan still had power over me beyond my ability and God’s ability to do anything about it.

When I understood what this passage says, though, it brought much stability of mind and heart and much comfort to me, though I know that may seem odd. For, I had to accept that God is the one who placed me in the womb of my mother, and in the home of my parents, fully knowing what would happen to me. He allowed me to be abused and neglected.

So, why would he do that? Why would a God of love, grace and mercy place me in the womb of a woman who would hand me over to a father who would end up severely abusing me in many different ways, and who would then not be there for me emotionally when I was hurting?

“In your book were written, every one of them,

the days that were formed for me,

when as yet there was none of them.”

God had a plan and a purpose for my life. And the abuses and the neglects and the rejections and mistreatment didn’t end with my parents, either. I was to have a lifetime of facing such treatment, and there were sometimes when I just gave up and gave in and surrendered to sin and not to God.

Until… I fully accepted God’s sovereignty over my life and I believed that through him I had the power to fight off the enemy of my soul, and that I could stand strong against any force coming against me without caving no matter how severe the opposition or persecution against me.

And you know what? God had a plan and a purpose for all of that in my life, to make me who I am today, so that he could use me in the way that he is using me in standing strong against the forces of evil, and exposing the fruitless deeds of darkness, and proclaiming the truth in opposition to the lies. He made me strong through it all so that I would stand strong on his word against all attacks against his word, for so many are deceived.

Psalms 139:23-24 ESV

“Search me, O God, and know my heart!

Try me and know my thoughts!

And see if there be any grievous way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting!”

If we are not careful, and if we are not grounded in the word of God, taught to us, or read by us in context, we might be easily deceived by all the messages being thrown at us today from so many different sources. For there are so many messages coming at us daily.

For, we live in an information age. We live in an age when we are continuously connected to other people and to the media via the internet and cell phones and all that those and television offer to us, especially in America, on a daily basis.

So, we need to step back from those, and pray about the things we are taking into our minds and hearts on a daily basis. And we need to ask the Lord to search our minds and hearts to see if there is any grievous ways in us, and to show us what is bad for us and what is good for us.

And then we need to let him lead us in the right way. For many people who profess faith in Jesus Christ have gotten off track, and they are following the ways of the world and of the flesh and not of God, because they are being led by all the messages they are hearing and reading in other places.

We need to be people of discernment who are listening to the Lord, who are not accepting everything we hear from preachers or government leaders or memes on social media, or from prominent people in society as a whole. We need to be those who test what we hear in prayer so that we are following the Lord with our lives, and so we aren’t going the way of the world.

Only Hope

By Jonathan Foreman

I give you my destiny

I'm giving you all of me

I want your symphony

Singing in all that I am

At the top of my lungs

I'm giving it my all

So, I lay my head back down

And I lift my hands and pray

To be only yours I pray

To be only yours