Psalm 139:1-6 ESV
“O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my
thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
and are
acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O Lord,
you know it altogether.
You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your
hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I
cannot attain it.”
God knows us inside and out. He knows everything about us
because he is the one who made us. He knows what we are going to think or say
even before we think it or say it. He knows us far better than we know
ourselves, therefore he can give us insight into ourselves as to why we do what
we do and as to why we think the way we think.
For the one who is following Jesus in obedience to his ways,
these are comforting thoughts. So, if we respond to a circumstance a particular
way or if we blurt out particular words in a given situation, and perhaps we
don’t understand our own reactions, he can give us insight into why we did or
said what we did or said, and he can help us to change where change is needed.
And, sometimes it isn’t that we need to change, for
sometimes what comes out of us is out of the good that is within our hearts,
because it comes from the heart of God. So, when we don’t understand, he can
comfort us with the knowledge that we have his heart and mind about things, and
that we are expressing how he feels about those matters.
So, when the world tries to put us on a guilt trip for
speaking the heart of God and for speaking his thoughts, which come from his
word, then we can be comforted in knowing that we are in tune with our Lord and
that we are feeling what he feels, which is a good thing. For, we should be
filled up in our hearts with the passion of Christ and with the truths of his
word.
Psalm 139:13-16 ESV
“For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me
together in my mother's womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows
it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately
woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that
were formed for me,
when as yet
there was none of them.”
I was raised by an extremely abusive father and an
emotionally neglectful mother who otherwise took good care of us, for the most
part. But you know what? God put me in that family. He knit me together in the
womb of my mother. He gave me those parents. And, he doesn’t make mistakes. God
knew exactly what he was doing. He is completely sovereign over all that he has
made. So, why did he do that?
In his book were written, every one of them, the days that
were formed for me. Yes! He had a plan and a purpose for my life that, at that
time in my life, I could not see. I knew God/Jesus loved me. I had no doubt. I
knew he was there for me always, to comfort and to help me through it all. I
trusted in him as my Lord and Savior from early on. But, my understanding of it
all was limited. And, I developed multiple misconceptions.
Then I married a man who I still love dearly, but who was/is
addicted to the lusts of his flesh, though I did not know that then. We have
both shared our testimonies publicly (1), so this is not revealing any private
information. And, this is not meant in any way to put my husband down. He still
struggles in this area, so if you are reading this, please pray for him and for
us.
So, we have had a rocky marriage. And, for a time, I
followed after my husband rather than follow the ways of the Lord. But, praise
God, the Lord brought me back! But this angered my husband, and so he began to
persecute me (again, this is all public, at my husband’s approval).
I also faced a lot of persecution from the church throughout
my life, primarily from people in positions of leadership, but not all. They
judged me by outward appearance, not by my heart, and not by my walk with the
Lord. Some of them tried to hit on me. Others just flat out rejected me. Some
tried to silence me or tried to force me to lie about something. Most of them
were following the ways of the world, not the ways of God.
But in God’s book were
written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me. Do you believe
that? I do!
So, why did God allow all those bad things to happen to me? And,
I am not including my own failures here. Yes, he allowed me to fail. But that
was my choice. He didn’t lead me into sin. I chose to sin against him when I
did. But he allowed many bad things in my life not of my choosing. So, why did
he?
He had a plan and a purpose for my life, and the things I
have experienced in my life have all played into that plan and purpose. For, I
have learned so much about all kinds of things in life, and I have learned so
much about God, too, through it all. And, my Lord uses those experiences in
what he has me teach from his word each day.
And, through those experiences he made me strong in my faith
and in my determination of the Spirit of God to stay the course, to stand
strong on the truths of God’s word, to expose evil for what it is, to call
people to repentance and to obedience to Christ, and to not waver, and to not
run away when I am opposed, but to continue to teach what is truth.
But, in all of this, I remain teachable. I examine the
Scriptures every day. I study the Scriptures in context, and I compare
Scripture with Scripture to make certain that I am correctly handling the word
of truth.
And, if I am challenged, I take it to the Lord in prayer,
and I seek his face, and I examine the Scriptures, and I make certain I am on
target, so that I don’t teach what is false. I am still human, and not without
error, but I am diligent to make certain that what I am sharing with you is the
truth.
So, the bottom line here is that the Lord allowed me to go
through much suffering in my life to make me who I am today so that I would do
what he has called me to do, for had I not gone through all of that, I believe
I would not have been prepared for this ministry.
Psalm 139:17-18, 23-24 ESV
“How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the
sum of them!
If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
I awake, and I
am still with you.
“Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know
my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in
the way everlasting!”
Oh, that we would all have that heart that truly expresses
that God’s thoughts are indeed precious to us. For, we live in a world and a
time in history when much of the church does not regard God’s thoughts as precious.
For, they reject much of his thoughts in favor of the thinking of the world.
For, the thinking of the world (including the worldly church) allows them to
continue in their sin without guilt.
So, we all need the Lord to search our hearts and to try our
thoughts to see if they are indeed of God or if they are of the flesh of man,
instead. For much teaching these days is being passed off as though it is of
God when, in fact, it is of man, instead. So, don’t be fooled! Jesus didn’t die
on that cross so you could continue in sin without guilt. He died to free you
from your slavery (addiction) to sin so you could walk in his righteousness.
Bow the Knee
Noblesse
Bow the knee; trust the heart of your Father
when the answer goes beyond what you can see.
Bow the knee; lift your eyes toward heaven
and believe the One who holds eternity.
And when you don't understand
the purpose of His plan,
In the presence of the King, bow the knee.
My
testimony
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