The Lord Jesus led me to read
Psalm 1 (vv. 1-3 ESV).
When I was a child, I had few
people, if any, to encourage me that I could do anything other than maybe sing.
I was the middle child of five children in my family. And, I had a father who
didn’t think much of my intellectual abilities. He even told me one day, when I
was an adult, that he could probably find something to talk with me about, even
though “you are not as intelligent as my other children,” he said. I chuckle at
that now.
I had little confidence in my
scholastic abilities, though early on I seemed to do well in math and English,
until English became more about reading and reading comprehension than it was
about grammar and spelling. I was a slow reader. In fact, I started my first
year of college reading on a 4th grade level. I just didn’t have
much confidence that I could learn much at all, and I was especially horrible
in social studies and science. So, I wasn’t particularly motivated to excel in
school, and so I graduated high school in 1968 with a 1.4/4.0 GPA. After that, I
completed 4 years of college in 1972 with a 2.5/4.0 GPA, but I never graduated
from college.
Blessed is the man
who walks
not in the counsel of the wicked,
nor stands in the way of sinners,
nor sits in
the seat of scoffers;
but his delight is in the law of the Lord,
and on his
law he meditates day and night.
Fast forward… Now I was 52
years old (in 2002), and I decided to go back to school at our local 2-year
technical college. I was not even sure if I could pass the entrance exam, but I
did, and with flying colors, at that. That was a God thing, for sure!
So, I began with taking just
one class, “Accounting,” to see how I would do. But, with each homework
assignment I found that I said to myself, “I can’t do this.” I had convinced
myself that I just could not learn. But God said, “Here, I will walk with you,
and you’ll do fine.” He is so amazing!
So, I stayed the course, and
I got an A in the class, by the grace of God. Then, after 4 years of taking
classes at this school, maybe 2 or 3 classes a semester, I ended up with a 4.0/4.0
GPA, all glory to God. I received an Entrepreneur Certificate, just a few
classes shy of a 2-year degree. But, that was my goal, so I was good with just that.
Some people encouraged me to continue
taking classes in order to get a college degree, but the Lord encouraged me
that I wasn’t there to get a college degree, but to learn that I could learn, and
it was because he had an assignment for me, which I was to learn about a few
years later.
So, what does this have to do
with not walking in the counsel of the wicked and delighting myself in the Word
of the Lord? I finally stopped listening to my dad who had told me, in essence,
that I was incapable of producing anything which he might regard as intelligent,
and so he devalued me. I finally listened to the Lord in that respect, and
believed that God could do the impossible in my life, and that I could learn.
So, why should this matter?
It is because God had a plan
for my life of which I wasn’t even aware until two years later, in 2004. And,
he needed to convince me that I could learn anything he wanted me to learn if I
just trusted in him, and in what he said, and if I relied on his power and
strength, and not on my own, which wasn’t much. So, I found my delight in the
truths of God’s Word and I no longer accepted the idea that I could not learn
things I felt were too hard for me.
He is like a tree
planted by
streams of water
that yields its fruit in its season,
and its leaf
does not wither.
In all that he does, he prospers.
At some point in my life, I’m
not exactly sure when, the Lord Jesus used the call of Jeremiah to place a
similar call on my life. I think this took place in the late 1970s. I make no
claims to being a prophet, though, but only that I am the Lord’s servant, and
that I am here on this earth to do whatever it is that he has called me to do. I
knew then that he was calling me to go to whomever he would send me and to say
whatever he commanded me to say, and that I was not to be afraid of them.
I, like Jeremiah, didn’t
think I qualified for such a task, not that God was not capable of performing
miracles in my life, but that I had so many people throughout my life, beyond
just my dad, some of whom were pastors, who only solidified in my mind that I
wasn’t worth much, that I had little value, and that what I had to say was not
really important, or that I should not speak at all, because I was too young,
or because I was a woman, or whatever. So, there were times in my life when I
questioned that calling on my life. But, God’s answer back to me was the story
of the woman who washed his feet with her tears (Lu. 7:36-48). I, too, was that
woman.
So, in order to prepare me
for this present calling of God on my life, “for such a time as this,” my Lord
took me through many years of adversity, suffering, rejection and persecution,
much of it at the hands of those who were supposed to be my spiritual leaders. This
was so that, when God said, “Write what I tell you, and place it on the
internet,” I obeyed, but not because I thought I could do it. I knew I
couldn’t. I still know I can’t in my own strength, wisdom or power, but I can
in the power and strength of the Lord, and in his wisdom and understanding.
The reason that I needed to
learn that I could learn, though, was that God had planned for me that he was
going to teach me so much way beyond my natural ability to learn. Since I
accepted this present call on my life in 2004, the Lord has shown me so many
amazing things, but not just from his Word. He has opened my eyes to see so
much of what is going on in our world at this present time, and how that fits
with prophecy of scripture regarding these last days, though I make no claims
to perfect understanding. And, this was so that I could be used of God to help
open the eyes, not just of the spiritually blind, but of those who had been
deceived by master manipulators and clever enchanters who are still leading God’s
people astray.
So, if you are where I was,
and you are listening to the voices of other people telling you that “you can’t,”
and so you convince yourself that God can’t use you in ways you thought not
possible, then stop listening to those voices inside your head, and listen to
God’s voice speaking his truths into your heart and mind, and then obey him and
do what he has called you to do, for his purposes and for his glory, and in his
power and strength.
Our God /
Chris Tomlin / Jesse Reeves
Jonas Myrin / Matt Redman
Our God is greater; our God
is stronger
God You are higher than any
other
Our God is Healer, awesome in
power
Our God, Our God
And if Our God is for us,
then who could ever stop us?
And if our God is with us,
then what can stand against?
Saturday, November 18, 2017,
10:47 p.m. – Thank you, Jesus, for placing this song in my mind, and for
teaching me what you wanted me to learn this evening through your Word. I thank
you, and I praise you!
No comments:
Post a Comment