Have you ever felt like you
were drowning? And, that every time you came up for air there was someone there
just waiting to push you back under? There was always someone waiting in the
wings ready and willing to slam-dunk you if you tried to survive and to thrive?
Perhaps you weren’t drowning.
Perhaps you were alive and thriving and doing well, and then you were
slam-dunked, and you were pushed “under the water” so that you could not
breathe, but by God’s grace you did survive, and you did thrive. But, then it
kept happening again and again and again.
My Story
That was the story of my life
for many years. I was (and am) a follower of Jesus. I followed Jesus very
sincerely, with pure devotion to him and to his word. I took him and his word
seriously. I wanted to do what God’s Word said I should do. I believed Him! I
believed what his word taught! But, I was different than so many others around
me.
I can recall as a youth that
I was in a youth Bible study. The leader was talking about how we need to pray
for the missionaries. But then he added, “But none of us do.” But I did! I did
because I was taught to do that.
And, then I was in a college
Bible study where they were discussing evolution, and so many of them were
buying into it. But, I was holding on to the creation of God as taught in
Genesis, and some of them thought I was a bit naïve, I believe. I think they
may have even mocked me.
I used to carry my Bible with
me to school because I was taught that it would be a witness for Jesus Christ.
So, I got made fun of at school. One guy used to call me “Susie stripper”
because I carried my Bible with me. He was mocking me. And, he tried to hit on
me, too, hoping to bring me down.
My Father
My father was an abuser,
although he took us to church every time the doors were open. He was a
hypocrite and a legalist, just like the Pharisees. He was all concerned that we
not play on Sundays, and that we not put anything on top of a Bible, and that
we not play with playing cards, etc.
But, he beat our mother and
us and he sexually abused some of us children, too. Most of us were deathly
afraid of him and his outbursts of anger. So, even though I was following Jesus
with my life, my dad was there slam-dunking me on a regular and consistent
basis, which was Satan’s way of trying to destroy me, to bring me down, and to
get me to give up.
But, I turned to the Lord to
be my help and support, and I kept following Jesus with my life, not perfectly,
but consistently. I took Him and His word to heart, and it was my desire to do
what it said. But, I was finding that so many Christians didn’t, and that I was
often an oddball of sorts.
The Missionary
When I was in my
mid-twenties, my husband and I housed for several weeks a missionary who was
touring the churches in our area and who was speaking in these churches for missionary
conferences. I believed she was really on fire for the Lord, and I was drawn to
that.
She taught me so much about
how to study the Word of God and how to apply the Word of God to my daily life.
She taught me, too, how to listen to the Holy Spirit and to do what he said. I
also switched from reading the King James Bible to reading the NASB Bible, and
that made a world of difference for me, as well, for now the Word of God was
coming alive to me.
I was really growing in my
walk of faith with the Lord. I was delving into His Word with great enthusiasm.
I was being sensitive to the voice of the Holy Spirit, too, in doing what he
said. But, I was new at this. I was naïve in many ways. But, I had childlike
faith.
So, I felt the Holy Spirit
leading me to say something to my missionary friend, but that didn’t go so
well. She was upset with me about it. So, I asked the Lord if I had done
anything wrong. The Lord did not say I had, but he didn’t say I hadn’t. I think
He just wanted me to trust him in this one.
The missionary wanted me to
admit I was wrong. I couldn’t do that. I didn’t know that I was. But, I was
able to say that I wasn’t sure. But, that wasn’t good enough. So, she cut me
out of her life from that moment forward.
That was really hard. I had
done what she taught me to do, and what I felt the Holy Spirit was leading me
to do, and I had no assurance from God that I had done anything wrong.
But, then the Lord showed me
something. He showed me that, in a way, she was my “Isaac.” I had to make the
choice to follow her or to follow God, to put her on the altar, or to refuse to
let her go. The Lord, I believe, did not want me dependent on her, but on Him
alone. And, so he removed her from my life. But, it hurt!
Church Elders
A few years later we were
attending the gatherings at a church fellowship near our home. We were new to
this congregation, and they were new to us. I did have some close friends who
were a part of this fellowship, though.
On Wednesday nights we had a
Bible study with the pastor in the church sanctuary. It was an open group
discussion (male and female). The pastor would open a topic of discussion and
he would ask questions, and we could raise our hands if we wanted to
participate in the discussion. So, as the Spirit prompted me, and with
permission to speak, I shared what the Lord was teaching me through the passage
of scripture we were studying. Again, I had a very sincere and childlike faith.
The pastor also preached on
spiritual gifts and how we needed to be using our gifts. Well, the Lord had
given me the gift of teaching, so I filled out the spiritual gift
questionnaire, and I volunteered to teach Sunday school to youth, but I heard
nothing back. So, months later I asked about it, and then the pastor visited us
in our home.
He asked me if I had been
crucified with Christ. I said I had. He said, “I would say you haven’t!” And,
then he verbally attacked me with all sorts of false accusations. So, I ran
from God, thinking this man had power over me, but the Lord spoke to me through
the story of Jonah, and he told me to get back in there and “fight this
through.” And, my response was, “But God, you don’t understand!” I really
believed that man had power over me that God could do nothing about, because of
my dad’s abuse of me, I believe.
To make a long story short, I
did get back in there, and I spoke with the elders, and they falsely accused
me, too, based on their own lives. For, they saw my desire to serve the Lord as
pride, but it wasn’t. I was very sincere in my faith and in my desire to use my
gifts for the glory of God. But, they were comparing me to themselves, and so
they misjudged me.
But, the Lord used this to
speak to this pastor’s heart. He eventually admitted that they were threatened
by me because I spoke with so much authority, which was the authority of
scripture, not my own. And, he admitted that they had misjudged me.
But, the Lord used this
experience in my life, as well, to teach me to rely on him and not on self or
on man for my support. For, the Lord was in the process of setting me apart for
his service, and so I had to learn to die to self and to not let these
slam-dunks take me out.
For, the Lord was preparing
me for a future ministry he had for me, which has now come to fruition, praise
his name. He was in the process, through all of this, and much more to come, of
humbling me before him, and of teaching me to submit to him no matter what
opposition I might face.
And, He used this scripture
in my life much at that time in letting me know his calling upon my life:
Now the word of the Lord came to me saying,
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
And before you were born I consecrated you;
I have appointed you a prophet to the nations.”
Then I said, “Alas, Lord God!
Behold, I do not know how to speak,
Because I am a youth.”
But the Lord said to me,
“Do not say, ‘I am a youth,’
Because everywhere I send you, you shall go,
And all that I command you, you shall speak.
“Do not be afraid of them,
For I am with you to deliver you,” declares the Lord.
Jeremiah 1:4-8 NASB
And, he has delivered me from
the mouths of lions over and over and over again, all glory and praise to his
holy name!
To Be Like Him
An Original Work / March 16, 2014
Based off Scripture
Crucified you are with Jesus.
To be like Him, oh, you’ll
be,
Because He died at Calv’ry,
So from sin you’d be free.
Oh, what joy He brings into
your life,
Giving life with Him
endlessly.
Oh, what plans He has for
your life.
Share the gospel faithfully.
Show the people He loves
them.
Now His witness you’ll be.
Tell the world of sin about
Jesus,
How He died for them on a
tree.
Purifying hearts, He saves
them,
Who believe on Christ, God’s
Son.
Turning now from their idols,
New lives they have begun.
Jesus saves from sin; we’re
forgiven.
Over sin, the vict’ry He won!
When He comes again to take
us
To be with Him evermore,
There will be no more crying.
Gladness will be in store.
Heavens joys will now
overtake us:
We’ll be with our Lord
evermore.
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