We all have a story to tell,
don’t we? It is the story of our lives. It tells where we came from, where we
have been, the people we have known, the things we have experienced and felt,
where we have lived, the things we have done, both bad and good, the lessons
all of this taught us, and where it all has brought us today.
If we are followers of Jesus
Christ, part of this story, or all of this story has to do with what brought us
to faith in Jesus Christ, the journey of faith that followed our decision to
follow Christ with our lives, and where we are today.
Some of us stayed the course
the whole time, while others of us strayed for a period of time, but then were
brought back to a right relationship with our Lord. And, some have strayed, but
have not yet returned to purity of faith in their Lord and Savior, Jesus
Christ.
Well, this is my story, as
the Lord is leading me to share with you today.
Hate Evil
Hate evil, you who love the Lord,Who preserves the souls of His godly ones;He delivers them from the hand of the wicked.Psalm 97:10 NASB
I was about 7 years old when
I trusted in Jesus Christ to be Lord and Savior of my life. Through my church
denomination, at that time, I was afforded the opportunity to spend one week
each summer at summer camp at Beulah Beach Camp in Vermilion, OH, which is not
far from Cedar Point, in Sandusky, OH. And, it was there, during an invitation
at the end of one of our worship services, that I cried my heart out to God,
repented of my sin, and turned my heart over to him, making him my Lord and my
Savior.
Although I was only 7, I knew
the weight of sin, for I was being abused physically, emotionally, mentally,
sexually and spiritually by my dad. He was a user and an abuser who beat up on
and who took advantage of those weaker than him. My father was the epitome of
Satan to me, and I was scared to death of him. He wielded enormous power and
control over my life. I truly hated the evil he was forging against me and my
family. So, when I was crying out to God, to Jesus Christ, I was also crying
out to him my pain and my suffering, looking for his healing and comfort in my
heart.
Then, I began my faith
journey with my Lord. Because of all that I was going through with my dad, who
touted legalistic Christianity while he was living a lie, I wanted no part in
what was fake or in just going through the motions. I took God and his Word
dead seriously, often to the chagrin of my peers and some church leaders, too.
I wanted a relationship with Jesus Christ that was genuine, honest, biblical,
and that was pleasing to my Lord. And, so I drank in the Word of God, sitting
on the front pew in church, listening to every word preached with great
intention to live what I was being taught.
By the time I was in my
teens, I was already teaching the Word of God to children. Then, throughout my
life, I also taught the scriptures to youth, then to women, then to college
students, and eventually to the world (on the internet), which is where I am
now. But, back to my early years…
In high school I was
president of my school’s Youth for Christ Club, and I was actively involved in
teaching backyard Bible clubs through Child Evangelism Fellowship. In college I
was involved with Intervarsity Christian Fellowship and with my college Sunday
School Class at church. I also sang in the choir at church and sang solos or
duets or trios or in ensembles. I was serious about my Lord, and I was serious
about following him with my life. I certainly wasn’t perfect, though.
Because I had been abused by
my dad, and emotionally neglected by my mom, I was starving for love and
affection, but the only real affection I had known was the wrong kind, with my
dad, so this made me particularly vulnerable in that area, wanting to be held
and loved, but in the right way, but susceptible to allowing affection in my
life in the wrong way. So, in my dating experiences in college, although I
first stayed at an arm’s length from guys, and would not even hold hands with
anyone, I eventually caved to the pressure to be physically promiscuous with just
a few, including with my husband, who was not my husband at that time.
Married Life
I left the home of my parents
at the age of 22 to unite with my husband in marriage. And, we have been
married 45 years.
I thought my husband was not
at all like my dad when I married him, but over the years I began to see
similarities between him and my dad, and eventually I realized that,
essentially, I had married my dad, although I don’t think I fully comprehended
to what extent until recently.
I loved (and love) my husband
very much, and he was my best friend, and I still desire to have that kind of
relationship with him. But, we have had a rocky road, for he brought lust
addiction into our marriage, and it has continued over the course of our 45
years of marriage.
My husband and I, from early
on, though, were involved in Christian ministry together, teaching or leading
Bible studies, youth group, Sunday School Classes, and the like, as well as we
sang together in church. And, a couple of times we were involved in church
planting, but both of those attempts failed.
Recently he professed to have
trusted in Jesus Christ to be Lord of his life, realizing that Jesus never was
his Lord, and that he had been running his own life all these years, walking
according to the flesh, and doing what his flesh desired, no matter who got
hurt in the process. So, now he is working toward recovery from his lust
addiction and to changing his life course. I am not seeing a dramatic change in
his life, yet, but he is treating me nicer.
Yet, over the course of our
45 years, by his own public confession, he, like my dad, was a user and an
abuser who took advantage of others in order to feed his own lust addiction and
in order to feed his own flesh. And, there was a short period of time in our
marriage, where he led me down that path with him, and I joined in with him in
his hypocrisy, in his thirst for lust, and I participated with him in sexual
immorality, too.
But, then the Lord led me to
the point, again, of hating this evil, and wanting out of it, once and for all,
never to go down that path again, and that is what happened. I closed that door
on my former life, I trusted in God’s sovereignty over my life, I took up the
armor of God with which to fight off Satan’s evil attacks against me, I set my
face like flint, and I began a new journey with my Lord.
Light is sown like seed for the righteousAnd gladness for the upright in heart.Psalm 97:11 NASB
It was two years after I shut
the door on the evil, that I had previously allowed into my life, that God
called me to this present ministry. That was in 2004. Since then, he has been
revealing himself to me in ways I had never known before. His light began to
shine into my life, too, in ways I had not ever experienced previously. He
began to teach me so many things about what was going on in the world, and how
prophecy of scripture was being fulfilled in our day and time, and he taught me,
too, about the spiritual condition of today’s church here in America, not
including every congregation, but the overall view of the church at large here
in America.
And, he began to open up his
Word to me and to teach me so much that I never understood before from the
truths of His Word, and how they applied to our world and church and individual
lives today. And, then he had me share on the internet what all he was teaching
me, and then he gave me songs to write, too, for the praise of His glory. And,
many of them are included in what he has me write each day, too, from the
teaching of His Word. 
But, the difference he was
making in my life was not just in the realm of the ministry he had given to me,
but in what he was teaching me personally, and how he was growing me in him,
and how he was leading and teaching me to daily die to sin and self and to live
to his righteousness. Through it all he was making me holy and conforming me to
his likeness. And, the closer I got to my Lord, and the more I was involved in
ministry with him, the deeper my husband went into sin and rebellion against
God and against me and fought against me whenever I would confront him with sin
in his life.
Yet, the Lord took my pain
and my suffering and he filled me with his peace and with his joy through it
all. I can tell you, having been on the dark side, i.e. having given way to my
flesh and yielded my life to a sinful course, for a time, and now having been
delivered out of that, that this is the ONLY way to live! This, walking in
obedience to my Lord, is the only way to true peace, joy, fulfillment and
gladness, for HE has made me glad!
Be glad in the Lord, you righteous ones,And give thanks to His holy name.Psalm 97:12 NASB
I will forever be thankful to
my Lord that his love lifted me out of that dark time in my life, and that he
got me to that point of hating evil so much that I would never want to go back.
I am also thankful to the Lord for the life experiences he gave me, that he
allowed in my life, because through them he has made me who I am, and he has indelibly
marked my mind and heart to hate evil, not just so I would not go back there,
but so I would be passionate about taking his gospel message to the world and
to the worldly church, in sharing with them the truth of what God’s Word says
about sin, judgment, eternal life, and what it means to truly be saved from our
sins.
I give all the glory to God
for everything he has done and is doing through my life. I know that what he
gives me to write is from him, and is directed by him, for his purposes and for
his glory, so I take no credit for myself. I know, too, that I could not do any
of this without him, without his grace, his wisdom, his strength, his comfort,
his healing and his power at work within me. All I am and ever will be is all because
of Him. Amen!
Lord, I Need You
Songwriters: Christy Nockels
/ Daniel Carson /
Jesse Reeves / Kristian
Stanfill / Matt Maher
To teach my song to rise to
You
When temptation comes my way
When I cannot stand I'll fall
on You
Jesus, You're my hope and
stay…
My one defense, my
righteousness
Oh God, how I need You…
Wednesday, February 7, 2018,
5:24 a.m. – Thank you, Jesus, for directing me to write this testimony. May you
use it for your purposes and for your glory in other people’s lives.
If anyone is interested in
reading more of my testimony, the Lord recently led me to write my story in the
form of a book, I Married My Dad, which
can be read here: https://walkingwounded.blog/i-married-my-dad/.
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